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5 Screenwriting Lessons From a 1-Minute Scene in Jimmy McGovern's "BANISHED"

3/22/2015

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I’m a veteran of London Screenwriter’s Festival. I’ve been a delegate for the last three years and will be again come this October. It’s intense, motivational and inspiring. Every year I come away laden with knowledge, insight and ideas to help me become a better writer.

If there’s one thing London Screenwriter’s Festival constantly encourages us writers to do, it is to learn from each other and from role models. “If one always looked to the skies,” said Flaubert, “one would end up with wings.”

Among the role models I look up to and hope to emulate is Jimmy McGovern. With “Banished”, he’s giving us a real treat.  I’m enjoying it not just because it’s a great story with wonderful characters, but also because I now know enough about screenwriting technique to see how he makes our emotions soar.

Take this one scene from Episode 3, which comes in at just under a minute (despite being a page and a half in Final Draft, according to my transcription). From a screenwriting perspective it’s pure genius, replete with lessons for any budding screenwriter hoping to grow wings to enable their writing career to take flight.

(Minute 46:23)
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(Minute 47:47)

Here are five key lessons you can draw from this scene.

1. Enter a scene late and leave early

The card game is already underway and we the audience arrive mid-way through the conversation. We don’t have to wait for it to warm up. It’s already reached an interesting point, which immediately draws us in.

Once all the information to be conveyed by the scene has been imparted in an entertaining way, and the punchline has been delivered, we leave.  James has only just begun to gloat about having won the hand by fooling Tommy into thinking he wanted the king, but the audience has seen enough to get that message. We don’t need to hang around another 30 seconds or so.

In film, every second counts.

2. Drama is conflict

Conflict arises on different levels. McGovern places his characters in an inherently competitive situation: a game of cards. This heightens the natural tension between the characters as a result of their different agendas.

It is James who keeps us focused on this aspect of the scene, prompting Tommy three times to select a card. Tommy and Stubbins are distracted, debating the value of learning to read and write.

Stubbins reveals Tommy got another convict, ‘Letters’ Molloy, to write Elizabeth a letter while he was in jail awaiting execution. This creates still more conflict, because Elizabeth now wants to know what’s in the letter.

Additionally, it builds towards future conflict and creates dramatic irony through set-up and pay-off. We know Tommy’s letter was an outpouring of love and we are soon to discover that Stubbins' wife's letter is the very opposite. ‘Letters’ Molloy, “one of the most trustworthy men amongst us”, has lied.

A previous scene – when Tommy wrote his last letter in prison – is paid off, while a future conflict is set up. Stubbins is going to find out the truth sooner or later…

3. Contrasting Verbal Strategies

The dialogue is fresh and dynamic because each character has a different verbal strategy.

Sprag’s strategy is silence. He only delivers one line, of one word, in the whole scene.

Stubbins' is truth-telling. He reveals something Tommy would rather Elizabeth not know.

Tommy's is avoiding the subject. He bats away all questions about the contents of his last letter to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth's is curiosity. Now that it’s piqued, she wants to know what is in that damn letter.

James’ is interruption. By constantly diverting Tommy’s attention back to the card game, he fools him into thinking he wants that king.

All the characters have their own agenda, and they’ve all got different ways of going about getting what they want.

4. Dialogue As Action

Dialogue is not about telling the story. As this scene demonstrates, it’s about revealing character, entertaining the audience, pointing to subtext and creating anticipation.

The dialogue moves the story forward. Stubbins expresses his enthusiasm for learning to read and write. He wants to re-read the cherished letter from his wife, which gives him the strength to face the hardships of convict life, and to be able to write her sweet letters in his turn.

In the very next scene we will learn of ‘Letters’ Molloy’s deception and we will believe it when he tells Captain Collins that if Stubbins ever learned the truth, he would almost certainly kill himself.

5. Storytelling technique

The story in this scene is told with great economy in just 56 seconds. We the audience are  –

  • prompted to reflect on the emotion of a past event when Tommy was almost hung for standing his ground on being with the woman he loves
  • given information to prepare us for a future emotional punch that will surely come when Stubbins discovers his wife abandoned him before he even left English shores
  • entertained with the humour of Tommy’s flippancy
  • surprised at the end by a “didn’t see that coming" moment when James wins the hand – for it’s not just Tommy he’s fooled with his guile, but us too.

A good storyteller is one who grips the audience with a multi-layered story told with brevity and humour, just as Jimmy McGovern does here. I can’t wait for Episode 4!

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10 APHORISMS TO WRITE BY: My #LondonSWF 2014

11/3/2014

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(First posted on London Screenwriters’ Festival Website on 31st October, 2014)
Creative Director Chris Jones and his amazing team did it again. They put on a superlative event that inspired, energised and empowered us to be the writers and filmmakers we want to be. This time it was bigger than ever: 800 enthusiastic delegates and 150 exceptional speakers. I’m surprised with so much creative talent concentrated in one place, we didn’t alter the earth’s magnetic field – it was that AWESOME.

An element of London Screenwriters’ Festival I particularly appreciate is the Scriptchat. This is a roundtable discussion held immediately after a session where the speaker sits and chats with those members of the audience hardy enough to resist the lure of the refreshment tent or the imperative of a nature break.

In his scriptchat, Robert Thorogood, creator of the popular TV series “Death In Paradise”, told us he loves aphorisms. As someone who is rather partial to them myself, his comment inspired me to pick out and share my favourites from this year’s London Screenwriters’ Festival.

ROBERT THOROGOOD
“Here’s the good news: you’re as good a writer now as you’ll ever be.”
Robert recently dug out an old script from his bottom drawer (we’ve all got one) and was surprised by how well-written it was. What’s the difference between then and now? Aside from dogged perseverance and doing at least one thing every day to further his writing career, he’s found his voice. That, he says, is the most important thing, as it’s what sets you apart from every other writer out there.

JULIE GRAY
“Think of your writing as something that allows you to give as well as to get.”
If anybody was in any doubt as to the value of storytelling and storytellers to the human race, Julie will have set them right in her uplifting session on writing with purpose. Julie reminded us to live and write purposefully, on purpose. It shouldn’t ever be just about the dosh. Being a writer is a calling, she says, you are a giver of hope, not a taker of money.

NICK POWELL
“A story becomes your story as soon as you start to tell it.”
Nick entertained and regaled us with stories from the filmmaking trenches in his extraordinary A to Z of Storytelling. He’s on first-name terms with just about every screenwriting god you’d care to mention and mixed up his own insights with gems from the likes of Martin Scorsese, Tom Stoppard, Steven Soderbergh and Quentin Tarantino.

LINDA ARONSON
“Storytelling is about truth and its different versions.”
Linda wowed us with her mastery of every imaginable permutation of non-linear storytelling. The theory was accompanied by lots of practical advice as to how to apply these tricky techniques to our own stories to energise and lift them. It’s crucial all writers realise that young audiences don’t take as long to “get it” as they used to, so we need to tell our stories faster and include more beats per story.

WILLIAM NICHOLSON
“A lot of story has no spoken words at all.”
This from the man who wrote one of cinema’s immortal lines, “what we do in life echoes in eternity.” (I can’t get over how great that line is. If I ever write one half as good, I’ll die happy.) William was of course referring to the old “show don’t tell” adage and extolling the virtue of visual storytelling.

TED TALLY
“Confusing the audience for three minutes is better than boring them for three seconds.”
Screenwriters invest a lot of time and trouble to learn the rules of screenwriting. Here’s more good news: once you know the rules, you can break them – if it serves your story. But there’s one rule you can never, ever break and that’s this one: don’t bore the audience!

JOEL SCHUMACHER
“We are most destructive when we don’t realise filmmaking is a collaboration.”
Besides being the most dapper man at the Festival, Joel Schumacher impressed us all with his wit, charm and generosity. From his script-to-screen session to the review of his career in film, he had us all wrapt and enchanted. It was touching to see him on stage with the real Philomena Lee, who graciously accepted the inaugural British Screenwriters’ Award for Best British Feature Film Writing on behalf of Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope for “Philomena”.

LEE JESSUP
“Never walk into a meeting unprepared. Approach pitching as networking.”
Lee Jessup’s structured, no-nonsense approach to making it in Hollywood had us all wishing we’d met her a year earlier, if not sooner… If you want to make it in Hollywood, no matter where you live, all you’ve got to do is get noticed. Lee then delighted us by giving us some very doable suggestions as to how to go about it.

AMMA ASANTE
“ ‘No’ is followed by a comma, not a full-stop.”
Amma’s story of being robbed of the credit for her words is heart-breaking, yet the way she overcame this set-back is inspiring. What struck me is how she defines herself first and foremost as a writer. (Yay! She’s one of us!) Had she known what would happen, she says, despite the tremendous benefits directing “Belle” has brought her, she would not have gone ahead with the project. Now that’s artistic integrity for you.

CHRIS JONES & JONATHAN NEWMAN
“The only failure is not doing something; everything else is a learning experience.”
“Free your mind,” says Morpheus to Neo in “The Matrix”. The Manifesting Success session was all about recognising that the person running us is our five-year-old self and that our inner voice, which tends to be negative, is not reality. Here again there is good news: we can choose not to listen. The ultimate reality is doing, so say what you are going to do and have the integrity to do what you say. That way success lies – whatever success means to you.

All that remains to be said after this whistle-stop tour of some of the highlights of my #LondonSWF 2014 is a heartfelt THANK YOU to Chris, the team, the volunteers, the speakers and the delegates. Let’s do it all over again next year!

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6 THINGS OLIVIA HETREED CAN TEACH NEW WRITERS

9/10/2014

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(First posted on the Bang2Write website on 4th September, 2014)


For most of us, Olivia Hetreed will have first come onto our radar when she was BAFTA-nominated for her screenplay of Tracy Chevalier’s best-selling “Girl With A Pearl Earring”. She’s adapted authors as diverse as Geoffrey Chaucer, Emily Brontë and Caroline Lawrence. Her latest script, ALTAMIRA, produced by Morena films, is about to begin shooting in Spain, helmed by veteran director Hugh Hudson (Chariots of Fire). For the past year Olivia has also served as the President of the Writers’ Guild of Great Britain (WGGB). When she speaks, I listen. And you know what? You should too. Here are her top tips for newbie writers:

1. Be Bold
First off, Olivia emphasises the importance of having a plan: “Think about what it is you want to achieve. Write what you want, but don’t do it blindly.”

Once you’ve worked out your plan, be proactive. “We writers tend to think we need to wait for permission to do something,” Olivia says.

We don’t. Be bold and get on with it: go and make that film! “Getting something made can be extremely painful, but it’s a great learning experience.” 


2. Keep Studying
Learn from the best. Read hundreds of scripts. Deconstruct them. Put them back together again. Then spend some time in an editing suite. The most important thing editing teaches a writer is what you don’t need. Typically, this boils down to dialogue. Much of it ends up on the cutting room floor.

“There is so much an actor can do with just a look,” she says. “Of course, that’s hard to write. You have to learn to write for the page, knowing that a lot of what you write will not make it into the final cut, but is useful for conveying intention.”

You will be amazed by what issues have to be solved in the cutting room. “We can’t use that scene because… the actor didn’t nail it/ the location was ugly/ rain ruined the sound/ *delete as applicable.” 


MORE: 6 Reasons Dialogue Is Your Enemy

3. Practice Your Art
Write all the time, but don’t waste energy worrying about not writing. Even if you only have a small window of time in which to write, use it. Don’t get too precious about what you write too soon – just get it down on the page. Never let negative inhibitions get in the way. It’s far better to write ten bad pages, that you can rewrite later, than one good paragraph.

“More than any other form of writing, screenwriting is re-writing,” Olivia reminds us. “If you find re-writing tedious, then screenwriting is not for you.” 


MORE: All About Rewriting & Dealing With Feedback

4. Ask For Help
Ladies, this one is especially for you. Recently Olivia mentored a class of six students of equal potential, three male and three female, and came across typical gender specific behaviours that make all the difference to success or failure in the film industry. At the completion of the course, the females all emailed Olivia to thank her. The males all emailed Olivia to thank her AND ask her to introduce them to this or that person. Olivia then emailed the female students to explain what the males had done and how this had helped them get ahead.

There’s no such thing as “luck”. We all engineer our own luck by taking advantage of opportunities that present themselves. This can be particularly difficult for those of us who have been socialised to keep our heads down, work hard and wait for good things to happen. Here’s the shocker: if you wait for things to happen, life will pass you by. You’ve got to actively make things happen.

So ladies, don’t be shy about asking for help or for a favour. People want to help you! But be specific about what it is you’re requesting, and don’t waste their time.

 
MORE: Making It As A Writer – 25 Reasons You Haven’t Yet

5. Be Professional
Good behaviour is really important if you want to forge and sustain a career in this business. Find out what the producer wants of you.

“Even if you are friends, have a contract,” Olivia warns. “Make sure you both understand what you are undertaking. Deliver. If you can’t deliver – for whatever reason – own up to it. Don’t run away.

“Always be clear where the creative rights lie, what you have sold and for how long. There is almost never any money in filmmaking in the UK, but when there is, insanity erupts. Even the fondest friends can fall out over money.” 


MORE: What Is A Screenplay Option & How Does It Work?, plusWhat Is The Difference Between An NDA & A Release Form?

6. Leave Your Bedroom
Get out and meet people. “Form alliances with directors and producers,” Olivia urges. The ability to network with people and verbally articulate the central story in your script is as important as the technical ability to write it in the first place.

The WGGB is a good place to start. For new writers without representation it offers social events, seminars, minimum rates, pro-forma contracts and even legal advice, while for successful writers it provides a community in what can sometimes be a solitary profession and a chance to show solidarity with those writers less fortunate. The WGGB is tireless in its struggle to protect the rights of writers. Together, writers have a stronger voice. Join here.

Then there’s an annual gathering of screenwriters and other film industry professionals you may have heard about – the London Screenwriters’ Festival – this year, bigger and better than ever and now, 83% SOLD OUT! Buy your ticket here. 


MORE: 6 Ways You’re Stopping Your OWN Writing Success

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    Author

    One of my uncles calls me, “Kim the Intrepid”. Adventures include an African revolution, questioning by the KGB/FSB and being guest of honour at a Turkmen wedding.  What else would I want to do but write? 

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